Funny stuff 6

Poor violinists. Respect. :D

Mottos

Just some mottos that I've found in recent days...

Repensum est Canicula (Payback is a bitch) - SolForce, Sword of the Stars
Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus (Never tickle a sleeping dragon) - Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Nemo me impune lacessit (No-one attacks me with impunity) - Royal Motto of Scotland
Exitus Acta Probat (The end justifies the means) - UNSC Spirit of Fire, Halo Wars
Homo sapiens non urinat in ventum (Man should not piss against the wind) - Greek temple-like building, Amsterdam

Funny stuff 5

Running out of text ones, so enjoy these pictures :D

Funny stuff 4

Remember, none of this stuff is from me! GO INTERNET!

~~~

Specimen; Teeny Bopper ; (genus; Teenikin bopperili.)
General Description:
In this case, we are observing the ‘AzN~~~~’ subspecies of TB, each race, generally has their own kind of TB, but this is the one I am most familiar with.
Likes: Name Brands, Any car that was featured on Initial D, Morning Glory, Sanrio, Zogabi, Sticker Photos, Dream Photos, Daytona, Counter-strike, WarCraft, Bitching, Backstabbing, Heavily Peroxided Hair. DDR.
Dislikes: Not being able to afford name brands, Other TB’s, Anyone deemed ‘cooler’ than themselves, People who don’t wear name brands, people with black hair, anyone that isn’t AzN~~~~.
Can Be Seen At: LAN Café’s, VA, Excalibur, Whitehouse, Chapel St, Outside underage Club venues (most popular being Salt, Soul, Red, Blue, Green, Magenta.), Hanging around State Library, Sticker Photo shops, Morning Glory, the “CT”, Box Hill, “Glenny” “Shoppo”
Can’t Live Without: Mobile Phone (with enough dangly decorations to cause a landslide, and little fluffy things the size of a small child, and photo compatibility to add to their plethora of photos taken with all their TB friends they don’t actually like), Trends to follow, “Pocket Money” (has been known to rival the family fortune of some lower income households.)

-------------Demeanour
Females: (Towards Males) Ridiculously Cute, Ditzy, Disarmingly Nice, (This, is scientifically proven to be all an act, to attract a TB of the opposite sex, who, unknowingly will be sucked dry (emotionally, financially, more the latter) and discarded in a few weeks. Much like those Praying Mantis things you see on the Discovery Channel.)
(Towards Females) Calculating (ie. Breast size, or in fact, any evidence of chestal baggage whatsoever), Cold, Extremely Snobby, Backstabbing, General Bitch. (When Males of the genus are not around, the real personality of the Female ‘AzN’ TB comes to the fore. Most evident in the many enemies they make during their regular incursions into other TB’s territories (The female of the species is much like the Male of certain large predatory cats, in that they roam a wide and well defined boundary, with a desired number of Males within, worshipping them. The only time a Male will see this side, is when they are in a relationship with one, and by then it is too late.)
Males: (Towards Females) Overtly Loud Mouthed trash talking gangsters.
(Towards Males) Overtly Loud Mouthed trash talking gangsters. Extremely Competitive, love talking themselves up. Tends to over exaggerate, everything, including attractiveness, their “admirers”, and their “rice ride”.

-------------Distinguishing Features
Females: Hair colour: Never ever Black, due to perceived ‘uncoolness’ of having a natural hair colour. Can vary from either “I washed my hair with industrial strength cleaner” blonde to “I have just enough colouring to be cool” brown. May also involve highlights of other, cuteness enhancing colours.
Hair Style: Whatever is trendy in Japan/Hong Kong/Korea. Hair if needed to be clipped, usually full of “cuteness enhancing” pink/blue hello kitty/pucca/blue bear/morning glory clips. Takes at least 45 minutes to create. Is more artificial than biological, due to repeated chemical straightening/permin g treatments. There has been many cases of the hair actually taking on a life of it’s own, and controlling the TB itself (Because of the little difference in demeanour between a regular TB and one affected with the above disorder is so minute, the number of victims is unknown.)
Males: Hair Colour: See Females. Although, replace cuteness with ‘Hardcaw gangstaZ’
Hair Style: There are two main types. Down or Up. Down is either a middle part, or something stemming from the “middle part” (commonly known as ‘Default Asian Hair’) “Up” generally involves…. Well… spikes… depending on ‘hardcoreness’ the length of the spikes increase accordingly. Has been compared to stelecmites and antlers on a deer. Both involving an environmentally unfriendly amount of hair product, sometimes even more than the Female TB.

-------------Clothing: Generally, extremely fixated on brand names (that they’ve stolen, or haggled from some black market in Chinatown or Malaysia), and will go to no end to bring up talk about clothes in general conversation, just so they can talk about what brand they are wearing. “Hey, like my new pants/top/scarf?”
-------------Females
Would Like: Anything by Ralph Lauren, Banana Republic, Sass and Bides, etc.
Actually Wears: Supre, Miss Shop, Misc. Imitation Clothes from South East Asia, Anything deemed cute or “KaWaAaIiizZzZ~~~!!¬ !~~” by peers. Also, has an abnormal affinity with scarves and spray-paint jeans (with flares that can envelope a developing nation), even in hot weather. Very fickle, and will change entire wardrobe according to what the girl they hate is wearing. Simliar to normal girls clothes, but usually 1 or 5 sizes smaller. Wardrobe in severe cases is worth more than the house which houses them.
-------------Males
Would Like: Anything by Ralph Lauren, Tommy Hilfinger, Hugo Boss etc.
Actually Wears: Mooks, Giodarno, Stussy, Imitation Clothes from South East Asia
Exclusively dresses in the colours: white black and tan. Clothes are either on the “suss” side of tight, or the “homeboy” side of baggy (usually with the waistband hovering about the skinny boy’s ankles).

-------------Language
TB’s speak in a total sub dialect of English, which normal people have the capability of understanding, but this involves an incredible amount of brainpower that only 60% of the population possesses. When speaking the males of the species tend to say “Man” “Yo” “bro” “dude” and “sup” a lot, interspersed with a lot of grunting and head nodding. The Females, on the other hand, are somewhat at the other hand of the scale, as they tend to run words together, producing an entirely incomprehensible babble eg: “weeeeeiiheywhatchuuptotodayhowyabeenivebeenkewlhaveyouseenmynewscarfisntitcuteohmygodmyphonesringingsorry”. Their language deteriorates even more online, where communicating with a TB is akin to talking to a Giant SMS message, with more pictures. Eg. Common phrases encountered online include:
-------------Girls
Hi, how are you?
"e3iOwO3zZ HuNN4iiZz~!!! mwAahZ~! wAtcHuZ b3eN aRpzZ `2~~~??"

I must be going now, I’ll talk to you another time.
"o3wZz~~ ai` gOtz tA gO3Z bUbBi3Z~~~ iMMa tOrk `2 yOoHz `8rZ mMk4iiZ~??"

Good bye.
"bUh`b4iZz~~!! MwaHhZz~!! LuB chUuZ~!!! (k)(l)(f)"

Oh no.
“OmiiGaWdzZ~~!!! OmGzZzzZZZ~!!!!!!!!1 11one”

I don’t think that girl is very nice.
“OmiFaRk`N gAwDzzZ dAt b!tCh~???!!!!?!!!”

I find that hilarious.
“LoLLi3z~!!! rOfFl3Zz~!! LoOlzZ~!! K3k3k3k.. shOo faRn3yZ~~!!!??!!”

Do you like the present I received from my boyfriend; isn’t it pretty?
“OmiGaWdzZ~~~aAAwwWz z~~ mAii bOO gAb diZ 2 me3hZ~!! ai LuBz mAi huNnaiiZ~~!!!! itSh shOo pw3ttiii~!!!!”

I don’t know.
“iuNnOeZz~!!” or “ieRnO3z~~!!” or “*shwuGz*”

-------------Guys
Hello how are you? -
"supz" or “sarp” commonly followed by “man, dude or manGz”

Yes, thank you -
"yer"

No, I dont want to -
"nar"

I don’t know. -
“the fk?”

I've got to go, i'll speak to you again another time. -
"gtg man"

Goodbye -
"l8r"

I find her very attractive -
"fkn hot bish"

Oh my, that news really surprises me -
"fk man"

I think you are being unfair, and hostile. -
"fk u man"

Perhaps you should think before you say something quite so unjust? -
"stfu noob"

Would you like to accompany me upon an outing? -
"go cs man"

---------------General Language Notes
How to say “love”: luV, LuBz, wuV, wuBz, h34rTz, riC3 bOi 4 foUndaSh`N kwe3n, me3hZ 4 yoOhZ, and the most perplexing of them all…“eshtOOhs” - is "ess, too".. meaning, "s" and "2".. meaning.. "s2" meaning.. "heart".. meaning "love"; “OmiGawDzZ RiC3 bOi esHtOOhZ FoUndAsHuN Kw3eN”.
Affectionate names: huN, huNnaiiZ, beYbiiZ, baiBaiZ, buBbi3z, buU, bOO

Funny stuff 3

More funnies! :D Enjoy!
Note: I don't claim ANY of this as my own work. Props to the Internet and all those bored guys out there :D

~~~

American and Chinese conversation
This is a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Chinese authorities off the coast of Vietnam in South China Sea in October 1980.
CHINESE: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.
CHINESE: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
CHINESE: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.
AMERICANS: This is the Aircraft Carrier USS MIDWAY, the second largest ship in the United States Pacific Fleet.
We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
CHINESE: This is a lighthouse.

~~~

George Bush: "Condoleeza! Nice to see you. What's happening?"
Condoleeza Rice: "Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China."
George: "Great. Lay it on me."
Condoleeza: "'Hu' is the new leader of China."
George: "That's what I want to know."
Condoleeza: "That's what I'm telling you."
George: "That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?"
Condoleeza: "Yes."
George: "I mean the fellow's name."
Condoleeza: "Hu."
George: "The guy in China."
Condoleeza: "Hu."
George: "The new leader of China."
Condoleeza: "Hu."
George: "The Chinaman!"
Condoleeza: "Hu is leading China."
George: "Now whaddya' asking me for?"
Condoleeza: "I'm telling you Hu is leading China."
George: "Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?"
Condoleeza: "That's the man's name."
George: "That's whose name?"
Condoleeza: "Yes."
George: "Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?"
Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
George: "Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East."
Condoleeza: "That's correct."
George: "Then who is in China?"
Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
George: "Yassir is in China?"
Condoleeza: "No, sir."
George: "Then who is?"
Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
George: "Yassir?"
Condoleeza: "No, sir."
George: "Look, Condoleeza. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone."
Condoleeza: "Kofi?"
George: "No, thanks."
Condoleeza: "You want Kofi?"
George: "No."
Condoleeza: "You don't want Kofi."
George: "No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N."
Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
George: "Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N."
Condoleeza: "Kofi?"
George: "Milk! Will you please make the call?"
Condoleeza: "And call who?"
George: "Who is the guy at the U.N?"
Condoleeza: "Hu is the guy in China."
George: "Will you stay out of China?!"
Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."
George: "And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N."
Condoleeza: "Kofi."
George: "All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone."