Saturday, October 31, 2009

Funny stuff 2

Continuing on from yesterday's theme...
Note: I don't claim ANY of this as my own work. Props to the Internet and all those bored guys out there :D

The Laws of Anime!

Law of Metaphysical Irregularity
The normal laws of physics do not apply.

Law of Differentiated Gravitation
Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborn, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.

Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics
In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion
In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion
The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

Law of Temporal Variability
Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

First Law of Temporal Mortality
'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways. Either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.

Second Law of Temporal Mortality
It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

Law of Dramatic Emphasis
Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

Law of Dramatic Multiplicity
Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.

Law of Inherent Combustability
Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary - Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary - Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

Law of Phlogistatic Emission
Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

Law of Energetic Emission
There is alway an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustability.

Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude
The destructive potential of a weapon is inversly proportional to its size.
First Corollary - Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also know as the A-Ko phenomenon.

Law of Inexhaustability
No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

Law of Inverse Accuracy
The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect)
Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.
First Corollary - The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvres.

Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
Minmei is a bimbo.

Law of Hemoglobin Capacity
The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.

Law of Demonic Consistency
Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown (but black is not unknown), and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.

Law of Militaristic Unreliability
Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.

Law of Tactical Unreliability
Tactical geniuses aren't....

Law of Inconsequential Undetectability
People never notice the little things... Like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

Law of Juvenile Intellectuality
Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.

Law of Americanthropomorphism
Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.
First Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect.)
Second Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.

Law of Mandibular Proportionality
The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

Law of Feline Mutation
Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably: be female, will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation, and wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

Law of Conservation of Firepower
Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.

Law of Technological User-Benevolence
The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

Law of Melee Luminescence
Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism
All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

Law of Follicular Chroma Variability
Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.

Law of Follicular Permanence
Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics
*ANY* shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.

Law of Probable Attire
Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.
Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).
Whenever there is a headwind, a Male characters will invariably wear a long cloak which doesn't hamper movement and billows out dramatically behind him.
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) - All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) - Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.

Law of Musical Omnipotence
Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they have never attempted these things before.

Law of Quitupular Aggultination
Also called "The Five-man Rule," when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
The Hero/Leader
His girlfriend
His Best Friend/Rival
A Hulking Brute
A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
Amazing intelligence
Incredible irritation

Law of Extradimensional Capacitance
All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.
First Corollary (The Hammer Rule) - The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

Law of Hydrostatic Emission
Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

Law of Inverse Attraction
Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get.
First Corollary - Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...

Law of Nasal Sanguination
When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

Law of Xylolaceration
Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.

Law of Juvenile Omnipotence
Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.

Law of Quadrotriscadecophobia
There is no Law #43.

Law of Nominative Clamovocation
The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.

Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis
Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

Law of Flimsy Incognition
Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Funny stuff

If you're stressing about exams, which you most likely are, here's some stuff that will hopefully make you smile ^^ One a day for the next few days!

Note: I don't claim ANY of this as my own work. Props to the Internet and all those bored guys out there :D

No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer, which only Santa has ever seen.

There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish & Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total -378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes that there's at least one good child in each.

Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with. This is due to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits/second. That is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has .001 second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles/household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles; not counting stops to do what most of us do at lease once every 31 hours, plus eating etc. So Santa's sleigh must be moving at 650 miles/second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles/second. A conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles/hour.

If every one of the 91.8 million homes with good children were to put out a single chocolate chip cookie and an 8 ounce glass of 2% milk, the total calories (needless to say other vitamins and minerals) would be approximately 225 calories (100 for the cookie, give or take, and 125 for the milk, give or take). Multiplying the number of calories per house by the number of homes (225 x 91.8 x 1000000), we get the total number of calories Santa consumes that night, which is 20,655,000,000 calories. To break it down further, 1 pound is equal to 3500 calories. Dividing our total number of calories by the number of calories in a pound (20655000000 / 3500) and we get the number of pounds Santa gains, 5901428.6, which is 2950.7 tons.

The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 lb.), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300lb. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see #1) can pull 10 TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with 8, or even 9, reindeer. We need 214,200. This increases the payload - not counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. This is four times the weight of the ocean-liner Queen Elizabeth.

353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles/second creates enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within .00426 of a second. Meanwhile, Santa, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250 lb. Santa, being very conservative in terms of guessing Santa's weight, would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 lb. of force. If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Friday, October 23, 2009

Final words...

Time will pass, and there will be a time where our spirit fails, our bodies and minds ravaged by the progression of years. But until we have breathed our last, we will never forget, no matter what, that, strong like it's pillars, the school stan...ds behind us. Honour the work, boys, and the work will honour you.

Vivant omnes virgines, faciles, formosae. (Love live the girls, easy and beautiful).

I am so fucked for exams.
Spent 7 hours at Box Hill Library today, and in that time...I read a book about 1st SFOD-D (Delta Force), beat Hungy and Charles at Mario Kart, did Brain Training, played some Final Fantasy Tactics A2, watched Hungy beat the final level of Advance Wars 2: Dual Strike, read chapter 10 of the Claymore manga, bummed around, didn't do anything. Yay. Just one week left till English exam. Whooo...

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Final days

Okay, so, for Steph Wang, I'll write about my trip to PLC yesterday. ^^ Kyaa~

As usual, we had singing for the last twenty minutes of period 5. However, due to the veritable horde of people who recieved prizes (kudos to Steve, Kevin...and none of the other prize winners go onto this, so let's end it there.) we didn't actually get let out till about 1:40 or something. And singing went overtime too, but I don't mind that, since the songs this year are actually pretty awesome. I'll list the songs here:
Kasey Chambers - The Rain
Boom Crash Opera - Dancing in the storm
Toto - Africa
Ennio Morricone - Vita Nostra
Les Miserables song (I don't know, I don't care, but it's about class struggle which makes it SWEET.)
Music staff really did do a great job this year with song choice. And that human percussion bit...well, let's just hope that the whole school manages to pull it off!

Anyway, so, back to the PLC visit. So I was running mega-late already (was hoping to arrive at 2:22 at PLC the night before when I was organising), but I didn't give up hope!
Got to Richmond Station, and it was like an 8 minute wait for a Lilydale train, but like a 3 minute trip to Hawthorn Station. Managed to get lost at Hawthorn and couldn't quite get off the platform for a second, and then walked the wrong (and longer) way to the tram stop. Tram journey took literally ages, and nothing interesting to do except look at scenery, which would have been nice if I actually had a window seat. So instead I played imaginary Battlefield 2142 in my head, which is, by the by, a really good futuristic first-person shooter that, quite simply, works. Oh, except that you can camp the Titan corridors way too easily if you have the right squad (two recon with Lambert carbines, two assault with underslung rockets, two support with sentry turrets and a machineguns), making it near impossible for an assault force to get in there (especially on the longer corridors in 1 and 2). Not that any of that will mean much to...anyone, except maybe Hungy and Long. So yes.

And then when I finally got off the tram at stop 61: Presbytarian Ladies' College, it was like, massive. Seriously, huge. Fully-owned indoor heated pool, extensive gardens that get watered and look lusciously green despite the water restrictions, and giant modern buildings. The entire place just screamed rich. I felt really out of place, with my (dirty) public school blazer, scruffy shoes, white socks and pants with a hole in the right knee. And, while I've vowed to not put anything political on here, I will say this: Why can't MHS have resources that PLC evidently has? Are we any less deserving?

So, yes, Vi gave me the grand tour and...I was impressed. If I were a girl rolling in cash (which I'm not), I'd pick PLC as my institution of choice for secondary schooling. Actually, if I were a guy, I'd probably pick PLC too. Yay girls! ^^

Yesterday was the final day of classes...didn't really feel special, I guess. More just a sense of apprehension regarding exams in *gulp* one week as of today. And I did detect just a slight hint of relief in the air, as the class of 2009 gathered up their books from their final classes, and headed home for one of the final times.

Water fight on Tuesday was seriously epic, but kind of confusing and just a little disappointing. While the SRC promised a line of cones down the middle of the oval, with half the year level on either side, with a massive all-out fight, they arrived late and by then the fight had already spontaneously erupted as several small skirmishes. And not only was there barely enough time to prepare properly, but the limited amount of waterbombs that were supplied or prepared was seriously inadequate for the twenty-five minute melee. And, to Kevin, DAMN YOU for getting me. And David, WHAT THE FUCK AS IF GET ME WHILE I WAS DOWN. And Henry, HOW DID YOU MISS LONG FROM THAT CLOSE?!

Wednesday was milk run. Something about 18 year old half-dressed males drinking milk and lemon juice, then running laps, seems to stir a primal interest in the student body, because there was a massive crowd gathered to watch. That is, until the end, when milk was liberally thrown around. Oh, and watching people dance on regurgitated milk is quite sickening.

Today. The last day. Didn't actually see many of things that were done, except Hoy's office moved to the foyer and covered in post-it notes (Seriously awesome job, to whoever did that). Heard about a lot of other things, and managed to see the Vladimutch poster hanging in the stairwell near the Library as I ran up to print my resume.
Final Assembly went for three full periods plus ten minutes of recess, and despite it's undoubted entertainingness, I freely admit that I was disappointed; our planned events that would have happened during periods 2-3 did not occur as a result, and after that we were "encouraged" to leave the school with due haste. Not that we did; stood around at the front gate posturing with Long and David for a while, before Nam gave me a sip of bourbon, and I went and found the rest of the guys hanging around at lockers. Oh, and whoever stacked the tables and chairs in T30 did a great job :D
Went to Box Hill for lunch, dropping off my resume at EB (here's hoping that I get the job!). Awesome noodle place; must go there more often. Owe Hungy $5, if I ever get moneys.

Updates: Just $10 short of CoD6 now!
Mass-mailed MHS contacts regarding Team MHS online gaming clan, got a couple of new signups. Hoping for more after exams.
PLC and Macrob had their Valedictory dinners last night; hope everyone enjoyed their evenings!

A couple of "end" quotes:
"Si finis bonus est, totum bonum erit" (If the end be well, all will be well) - Gestoe Romanorum (tale LXVII)
"Whatsoever thou takest in hand, remember the end, and thou shalt never do amiss" - Ecclesiasticus (ch. VII, v. 36)
"In my end is my beginning." - Jean de la Fontaine
"Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." - Winston Churchill
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." - Martin Luther King, Jr
"I existed from all eternity and, behold, I am here; and I shall exist till the end of time, for my being has no end." Kahil Gibran

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Plans, post-exam style

Okay, so technically this starts before exams, but it's all post-exam oriented. :D

- Read The Five Greatest Warriors, the newest book in the Jack West Jr series by acclaimed author Matthew Reilly
- Play Call of Duty 6: Modern Warfare 2
- Co-found and maintain the Team MHS online gaming clan (invites, just ask me)
- Get a job
- Go out
- Play Call of Duty 6: Modern Warfare 2 (some more)
- Get braces (oh no...)

Hmm. I'm planning on doing at least 9 hours a day of CoD6 (9am-6pm), online, as long as my laptop can take it. Should be AWESOME. Can't wait! Put in my preorder today...anyone else need details, just ask me! :D

Friday, October 16, 2009



Dearest Mother,
I hate you. I hate how you try to dominate and control MY life. Who do you think you are, Mao or someone? Piss off. If I want to do something, I damned well will do it, and if you stop me, you'll pay the price in the future. Want me to be a nice filial son and visit three times a week when you're old? Hell no. Fuck off. I'll be out living my life, free from your constraints. Who's fault will this be? Yours.
I mean, take Cadets for example. At the start of this year, you were all like "Oh, you're going to join the Army, so you don't even need to take part". And then at the same time you were like "Make sure you have backup plans for your tertiary education". Well, now look what happened! Army rejected me because I'm too passive (which I also blame on you, by the way, for making me so goddamn submissive I can't even socialise properly), and I haven't done anything at all in Cadets this year! Bare minimum attendance to Training Camp, didn't go Annual Camp, no Annual Parade, no Officers's Dinner. Hell, if you hadn't opposed it so strenuously I mighta gotten an actual position this year, instead of a superfluous sergeant with no real role at all. Fuck you. Fourth (and final) year of Cadets, with nothing to show for it other then three stripes that I don't even deserve. Cadets was all that kept me going through MHS. And now I feel like I've let the Unit down, and I've let myself down. And there's no way to redeem myself. Cadets has been, in some respects, my family, and in letting everyone just feels absolutely shit.
You say you give me freedom because I can go out in the holidays with friends. Then you tell me off for going out when everyone else, like Kevin and Bill, stay home, because apparently that makes me a bad student. Then, on top of that, you claim that you don't control my life! And when I compare your dictatorial management of the family to Hitler, you hit me. Fuck you. Am I wrong? If I speak out, if I even try to correct one of your mistakes, I get shouted at. Just because you are old and wise and all that shit doesn't mean you're always right. You have experience, sure, but that doesn't mean you've drawn the right conclusions. I have knowledge, and I have the gift of foresight, the ability to step back and look at the consequences of the actions of others in a similar position. You think you're so high and mighty, but in reality, you're nothing. Stop trying to control my life.
I mean, do you honestly give a flying fuck about what I career path I choose? Who gives a shit if there's not many job prospects? It's what I want to do, and I'm going to do it. I refuse to follow some other career path that I like less, purely because it means I'll get a job and earn money sooner. This is not China, where secure jobs are few and far between. I actually have a CHOICE of what I want to do. Your thoughts, opinions, and experiences belong to a different place and time, one which is not applicable to there here and now. You went to high school at a time when modern computers and the Internet did not exist. I'd tell you to get with the times, but you are so stubborn in your outdated ways, believing that all new methods must be wrong because they conflict with yours, that it'd simply be a waste of breath. No longer does the book reign supreme in the halls of study! With the World Wide Web, I can access more than sufficient information regarding any topic in the time it takes you to find your car keys. Change or die.
And despite all this, you tell me to follow your example because supposedly you are some sort of super perfect person. Hate to break it to ya, but you ain't. Welcome to reality, 21st century style.