M Magazine

Sam found this in The Age M Magazine on Saturday.

Q: I'm in love with one of my best friends at school. I've asked her out a few times, but was rejected because she didn't want to ruin our friendship. I started feeling sad all the time, as if I was going insane. A week ago, I asked her out again, telling her not to worry about spoiling our friendship, but she would rather be friends. I don't want to move on. She is perfect for me. I wrote her a song, but haven't played it for her yet. How can I make her love me? I am small, with acne scars and braces. Does that matter?

A: It is easy for older people to belittle young love. While all emotions are intense at your age, your pain is real.

The fear of spoiling a friendship can be very real, but it can also be a gentle excuse to try not to hurt a friend's feelings.

If you continue to put her on the spot she may feel that the only way to escape an awkward situation is to end the friendship, and that would mean losing everything.

There is no way to "make" someone love you, and you might lose her respect if you are too persistent. Do not play your song to her. She might not know how to react and could feel cornered. It would be better to record the song and let her listen to it privately.

I am not going to tell you to move on, or that you are too young and have met too few girls to know if she's "the one". You are experiencing real pain and are genuinely confused about how best to act.

You are more likely to have some success if you are able to maintain your closeness as friends, so try not to push her away from you by pestering her. Rather, focus on being a good friend by giving her space without demands or expectations.

As time passes, you will become a more and more invaluable friend. She will associate your companionship with fun, not embarrassment. She will look forward to seeing you, not feel that she wants to avoid you.

If love is going to blossom it will do so. Over time, she might start to see you in a new light, but try not to "make" this happen.

It is difficult to be patient and to take things slowly when you age young and impetuous, but this is a situation that will sort itself out over time. Meanwhile, be grateful that your friendship means that you can spend some time in the company of the girl you are so fond of.

As far as looks go, love is blind but these outward features can form an initial barrier to attraction. Yet again, time can help people to see past the superficial to the heart beneath.

If only I had read this earlier...

ISL